The Beginning

This is the story of how much my roommates hate me (among other things). It's very difficult being as beautiful of a man as I am; I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live with me, always overshadowed by my perfect masculine figure, my quick wit, and my cunning intellect. Of course, this difficulty does not excuse the constant verbal and physical attacks on my person. However, being such a kind and forgiving man, I do not fight back. I allow these assaults to continue because I know that it is the only joy they have in their lives. But, this does not mean that I cannot expose their deeds for the world to see (read)!

Yes, my roommates hate me and never ignore an opportunity to stamp on my self esteem. The biggest offender would be BenT. He is a small, pitiful little man who gets his jollies by stepping on people smaller than him. Since there is noone smaller than him, he has to resort to stepping on me (Unfortunately, despite being physically perfect in every other way, I am the second shortest person in Ben's life). Let me describe to you a typical conversation between Ben and I.

Captain Sexy: Greetings, friend!
Ben: Screw you, hippie.
Captain Sexy: I do say, this Halloween candy is quite enjoyable, would you care to partake?
Ben: You asshole, I bought that candy.
Captain Sexy: Hey, go to hell. Do you want the candy or not.
Ben: Jesus Christ, Captain Sexy. You've been eating Halloween candy nonstop since Monday. You are such a fatass.
Captain Sexy: Please, I bet I weigh less than you.
Ben: Oh, yeah? Let's get a neutral, unbiased judge to determine who is lighter. But since none of those are around, I'll get TC. Yo, TC, get your bitch ass over here and pick me up.
TC: Okay (Picks up Ben, then picks up Captain Sexy)
TC: Sorry Captain Sexy, I'd have to say Ben is a little lighter.
Captain Sexy: Oh my god, I hate you both.
Ben: Yeah, we hate you too. Fatass.

So you can see, my roommates are assholes. That's why I eat their Halloween Candy and pee in their beds when they're not around. Anyway, here's a picture of Ben, in case you have no intention of eating for the next 8 hours. Good night, and I hate you all.